Ziva's a Traitor

Since I last posted, there have not been any flashy stories about which I want to write. Nor have there been any interesting tales about which you would want to read. That's life, I guess. It's always boring until BANG, you get hit in the face with a coconut cream pie. (Ummmm...speaking of pie...)

Anyway, over these few weeks there have been a good number of funny little lessons and mishaps that I'm going to compile here for everyone's amusement. The quips are in no particular order. These are things that have just randomly popped into my head so that's how I'm going to write them down. I've always done that, actually. Just ask my poor mom the "proofreader of all things Kristin". She says I'm the most disorganized writer she's ever read (And now now, before you think she's just mean for telling me that, she usually then tells me I'm far more creative and fun than she is. But come on. We all knew that already, Mom.)

Kristin's Life Lessons, Quips, Interesting Insights, Funny Situations and All Out Absurdities Interspersed with Some Sweet Moments

1. Ziva's a traitor! Oh man. I can't believe it. Though I really do only watch NCIS for Tony. Good thing Tony's not a traitor. (See photo at right.)
   


2. Locke's gonna do Wha'?? (This is a LOST reference for you non-Losties.)


3. When you're packing and you come across the clothes that you wore in your 1997 senior pictures, regardless of the fact that you can still wear them, it's time to throw them out (Or donate them. But, honestly, why should less fortunate people have to suffer too?).


4. When your dad is helping you pack up and he grabs for something in the back of the dark closet and sees that it's a bra, then flings it across the room like it's a poisonous snake, it's always funny. So funny, in fact, that you may have to take a moment to stop and collect yourself.


5. When your little sister goes to a lot of trouble to have a special stuffed Burt the Buffalo made for you so that you won't feel homesick when you move far away (It was supposed to be Burt the Hippo, like from the show NCIS, but Build a Bear doesn't make hippos. So, since we're Kansans, we decided a buffalo was appropriate.), it will mean more to you than you can imagine. You'll probably end up sleeping with the stuffed buffalo in bed every night, too, even if you are 30 years old. And, for those of you who are not familiar with the show NCIS, Burt the Hippo farts when you squeeze him. Burt the Buffalo also farts when you squeeze him. You'll also notice that he's wearing a KU t-shirt. Does that kid know me or what?
   


6. If you buy a new, awesome computer desk and then put it together in the living room, you better make sure it fits through the doorway to the computer room first. Otherwise you'll be stuck with a giant desk in the middle of the living room until the movers come in June...


7. If your parent's water heater blows up and they decide to get a new, tankless one, encourage them to do so. The tankless water heaters are awesome. They don't waste as much water or gas. There's no more running out of hot water. Do NOT, however, allow them to put it in the closet in your bedroom. You'll never be able to sleep again...and your parents will pay for it dearly not only monetarily, but also in the "cranky tired yelling tantrum throwing" daughter way.
   


8. Even if you're trying to get ready to move out of the country and are very far behind in everything that needs done, it's always worth it to go home for your mom's retirement party. You know how much she means to you and how much you love her. Sometimes you forget how much she really means to, and has meant to, the people she has worked with for the last 20 years. You'll also have fun being reminded about how dorky you looked when you were hanging around her back then. Thanks for showing those pictures, Baker. (And I will not be posting any of the pictures from the dork years. So don't ask.)


9. Annoying co-workers that thankfully, you've left behind with your old position, become even more annoying after you've been away from them for awhile. In fact, when you go back to visit the other non-annoying co-workers and hear the annoying one, it's almost possible to become suicidal. Actually, maybe homicidal is a more accurate description.
   


10. When your new office is a "common" workspace, meaning your office is a shared conference room with your new team, falling asleep after lunch is very, very unfortunate. It's like staring at each other from behind Who Sank My Battleship game boards. All I see are eyes above a lap top screen and all they see are my eyes...slowly...closing... and then my head dipping and then they hear a 'gasp' as I wake myself up and jerk/bob my head. It is very unfortunate indeed.


11. Leaving your two beloved friends, who just happen to be co-workers, behind will cause some serious separation anxiety. It's a good thing I haven't moved more than 100 yards away yet. It's NOT like ripping off a bandaid. Gradually moving out is better. And yes, Jamie, I said friends...even though you think we're only co-workers.


12. As you're getting ready to leave, you'll find that more people really care about you than you thought and you'll feel bad for not being more attentive when you had the chance. I guess that's okay, though, as long as you learn from it.


13. Listening to the lady voice in the GPS tell you that you have arrived at your co-or-di-nates (with "nates" said like "nates" and not "nats") is quite hysterical, especially if you and your sister repeat it over and over again every time you arrive at a destination, GPS or not.


14. No matter how hard you try, you're not going to be able to spend time with all your friends before you leave and it'll kill you. It will literally gut you from one end to the other and then pull it out with a hook. You know, like that scene in Braveheart.
    


15. When you're at work in your "common workspace", it's really bad when you have gas. There's no squeaking it out in there. And trust me the 'ol "cover it up with a cough" does not work either. Beware.


16. It's gonna be a lot harder than you thought to leave the pup behind, even if your very caring little sister is going to care for her.
    


17. Even though you're so very happy and proud that your best friend won the grant to go to Colonial Williamsburg right before you are leaving, it kills you to know she's going to be gone those very last days.


18. It's gonna bring you to tears every time you think about how your best friend has offered to take care of your beloved little sister in your absence. That little sister means a whole lot to you. So does that best friend. And you know she's a good friend if she offers to go help the kid paint her bedroom. That's true loyalty.


19. Mother of all things good on the planet. How am I EVER going to get all my things organized before the movers come??


20. You know your dad loves you when he volunteers to make three different six hour trips (to and fro) to bring your dog home to stay with you for your last week at your house. You'll also know he loves you when he doesn't utter a single word about helping you do a thousand different things that are quite a gigantic pain. Then, after all that's done, he offers to do more.


21. When you're setting up the webcam with your sister, be ready for hilarity to ensue. You know, like, belches and yelling from the older sister because she can't get hers to work while the younger sister just sits there and laughs at her on camera. Things like that.


22. And finally, you must remember that getting ready to move out of the country is like "pushing teeth" (that's for you Emily). It takes forever, it's painful, and you're just not sure it's ever going to happen. Then, finally, it does and you just bleed all over the place and are even hurting worse. Then, gradually, the pain goes away and you feel so much better. You're even happy you did it as you can now chew without pain.
    

So, I shall stop here. I could go on and on, but I see that I'm in quite a reflective mood and this list didn't come out as comical as I had intended. Oh well. That's what this blog is about, right? It's supposed to be about what's going on with the move to Panama and this is what's going on!

In closing I'm going to post a video from one of my favorite characters on Saturday Night Live. Now, I'm not a huge Saturday Night Live fan...and I never watch it, well, live on Saturday nights. But, Kristin Wiig is hysterically funny, in my opinion, and I generally check online Sunday or Monday for the "best of" skits. This week there was another installment of "The Target Lady" featuring Justin Timberlake. I had a good laugh, and I needed it. So, I am going to share.

If you're unfamiliar with the Target Lady, here's a quick description from Soundboard.com: Target Lady is a cashier at Target and she's overzealous about her job. She's almost annoyingly chipper with her excitement. In the end, one thing is prevalent, she loves her job.



Dad and I are in Panama next week (May 16-23). This is the trip where I have to spend hours sitting in immigration waiting for an interview where the authorities will ask me what color my eyes are, how much I weigh, what panty size I wear, why should they even let an American into the country and so on and so forth. I will also be looking for an apartment. The apartment hunting should prove to be an adventure, as I'm sure immigration will to. I'll have plenty of stories and pictures when we get back. Of that, I am positive. Until we meet again.

Peace out.

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